Duplicity Inbox

[alwayskayaking]

Duplicity Inbox

You've reached Tim Stoker. I'm out at the moment. Leave me a message and I'll return your call soon.

Comments

[compellingstatement]

Nothing.

[Is there something wrong? There are lots of things wrong. Jon's just not going to talk about those.]

I was just checking in.
Seeing how you are?
I let Inara and Gilia know about what happened.

[alwayskayaking]

I thought you knew everything.

Why do you care?

Are you alright? [He deletes those messages. There is a long pause between his ShowStopper is typing... and the message he finally sends which should give Jon an idea of how many drafts the message went through.]

Thanks for letting them know. Hope you're doing well. [He decides not to respond to how he's doing. It feels too much like a loaded question.]

[alwayskayaking]

A place in the Up. I'm not going to be putting the address out on the network.

[massrez]

I understand.

I think I will remain where I am for some time yet. And you are always welcome.

[compellingstatement]

Well enough.
Did you end up speaking to anyone?

[alwayskayaking]

I talked to my shrink.

Did you talk to Martin?

[compellingstatement]

Did it help?

[What if he just doesn't answer about Martin?]

[alwayskayaking]

You should talk to Martin. [Unless this was Jon's way of trying to get Martin to hate Tim as well? Keeping secrets from him.] You know how this city works. He'll probably find out sooner or later.

[He can play this ignore the question game too.]

[compellingstatement]

I will.
Have you considered talking to Sasha about everything?

[alwayskayaking]

Thanks. I'll still be around until the 14th. [When his contract ends.]

And I mean it. Thank you. [There weren't many places or people Tim felt welcomed around lately.]

[alwayskayaking]

Why? What did you tell her about me or it?

[compellingstatement]

Nothing.
I haven't spoken to her about it.
I just thought she might be the easiest person for you to talk to.
I don't actually know who your other friends are here, Tim.

[alwayskayaking]

Gee, between your, Festival, Gilia, that clone, the city, and probably God only knows at this point how many other people's lies about me I wonder why you don't know that. [He knows sarcasm over text is even more unhelpful than in person, but the unintentional reminder of how alone he's been feeling hurts.]

[compellingstatement]

[Jon considers putting his phone away there and then. The recriminations set his heart beating faster, fear thrumming through him as he thinks about that offer the clone had made to Tim to work together. Don't lash out. Don't meet fire with fire.]

What would help you right now?
I can't change what's happened or what's been said, just what I do and say going forward.

[alwayskayaking]

Stop telling lies about me. That would be a good start. Or at very least get your facts straight before you start gossiping to everyone. [Tim's still convinced Jon has been spreading misinformation about him to Sasha. True or not it's what Tim thinks and feels.] Maybe at least ask and pretend that my side of things matter? It's typically where most friends start.

[compellingstatement]

What lies am I meant to have told about you, Tim?
I publicly admitted to being wrong about the situation with Gilia.
I've paid off people to leave you alone about it, as well.
I'm not sure what else you expect me to do.
I haven't been running around talking behind your back about it except to tell people I was wrong and it was a misunderstanding on my part.

Your side does matter to me.
Your side also happens to be in the wrong sometimes.
Like the situation with Charlotte.
You've been trying to fix things with her, so I assumed you realized it was, as well.

[alwayskayaking]

Liar. Sasha told me you were talking to her about me and Charlotte.

[compellingstatement]

I told her what was going on between you two.
None of it was lies, as far as I've seen things.
I won't talk to her about you and Charlotte anymore, if you'd like.
But I'm not going to lie to her and tell her everything's sunshine and puppies between you two.

[alwayskayaking]

Doesn't matter anymore. You've already done your damage and Charlotte and I aren't going to contract again. Everyone is happy.

[Except him. And Jon. And Charlotte for the past six months. And a lot of other people.]

[compellingstatement]

For God's sake, Tim.
You've been off the rails.
I talked to Sasha because I thought she could help you.
Not because I was trying to turn her against you.

And honestly?
Good.
I'm not sure that contract was doing either of you any good.
Find someone human.
Someone you're not going to be constantly looking over your shoulder for.

[alwayskayaking]

If I've been off the rails then it's because of you and all the other monsters of this city who won't leave me be! [He doesn't really mean that. Doesn't really want Jon to be completely out of his life. He still remembers his often stuck up, but generally a nice guy boss. He's just feeling so attacked by every side lately and he's tired of it. In Tim's mind here they were again; Jon calling him the problem when Tim was feeling very much like an unheard victim no matter how loudly he shouts it.] I've tried to keep my distance but every time I seem to drop my guard then something else is coming along and derailing my life. [Did he need to slip in that small play on words? No. But he feels better for it.]

[alwayskayaking]

Mhmm. [Tim makes another noncommittal sound. Not really finding fault in what is being said, but not able to completely agreeing to it either.] In a perfect world I suppose.

[massrez]

The world doesn't become perfect by itself. We make it so, as much as we can, day by day.

What does a perfect world look like to you?

[massrez]

Will you need any help?

[compellingstatement]

[Reaching out had been a mistake. The words hit Jon like a physical blow, far too reminiscent of the clone's rage. Tim is left on read for quite a while as Jon takes a moment to calm down, tries to find more words, honest and vulnerable words, which are especially hard.]

I care about you.
It's difficult to leave you be when I can see you're hurting.
I know what happened last time with Prentiss.
I've seen this happen before, Tim.
I wasn't there for you.
No one was there for you.
And you just spiralled because none of us cared enough to pay attention when we should have.
It feels like that's what's happening now.

I know what happened with Wolf.
He came to me, told me he'd hurt you, maybe even kill you, if you hurt one of the people he loves.
I told him I'd rip his mind apart if he did anything more than just stopping you from causing the hurt.

[In so many words.]

But I know it still might happen.
I'm terrified it's going to happen and I won't be there to protect you.
From the monsters or yourself.