Duplicity Inbox

[alwayskayaking]

Duplicity Inbox

You've reached Tim Stoker. I'm out at the moment. Leave me a message and I'll return your call soon.

Comments

[alwayskayaking]

whats wrong [That's the only reason Jon talks to him anymore, right? When something is wrong or to tell Tim off for something he hasn't done.]

[compellingstatement]

Nothing.

[Is there something wrong? There are lots of things wrong. Jon's just not going to talk about those.]

I was just checking in.
Seeing how you are?
I let Inara and Gilia know about what happened.

[alwayskayaking]

I thought you knew everything.

Why do you care?

Are you alright? [He deletes those messages. There is a long pause between his ShowStopper is typing... and the message he finally sends which should give Jon an idea of how many drafts the message went through.]

Thanks for letting them know. Hope you're doing well. [He decides not to respond to how he's doing. It feels too much like a loaded question.]

[compellingstatement]

Well enough.
Did you end up speaking to anyone?

[alwayskayaking]

I talked to my shrink.

Did you talk to Martin?

[compellingstatement]

Did it help?

[What if he just doesn't answer about Martin?]

[alwayskayaking]

You should talk to Martin. [Unless this was Jon's way of trying to get Martin to hate Tim as well? Keeping secrets from him.] You know how this city works. He'll probably find out sooner or later.

[He can play this ignore the question game too.]

[compellingstatement]

I will.
Have you considered talking to Sasha about everything?

[alwayskayaking]

Why? What did you tell her about me or it?

[compellingstatement]

Nothing.
I haven't spoken to her about it.
I just thought she might be the easiest person for you to talk to.
I don't actually know who your other friends are here, Tim.

[alwayskayaking]

Gee, between your, Festival, Gilia, that clone, the city, and probably God only knows at this point how many other people's lies about me I wonder why you don't know that. [He knows sarcasm over text is even more unhelpful than in person, but the unintentional reminder of how alone he's been feeling hurts.]

[compellingstatement]

[Jon considers putting his phone away there and then. The recriminations set his heart beating faster, fear thrumming through him as he thinks about that offer the clone had made to Tim to work together. Don't lash out. Don't meet fire with fire.]

What would help you right now?
I can't change what's happened or what's been said, just what I do and say going forward.

[alwayskayaking]

Stop telling lies about me. That would be a good start. Or at very least get your facts straight before you start gossiping to everyone. [Tim's still convinced Jon has been spreading misinformation about him to Sasha. True or not it's what Tim thinks and feels.] Maybe at least ask and pretend that my side of things matter? It's typically where most friends start.

[compellingstatement]

What lies am I meant to have told about you, Tim?
I publicly admitted to being wrong about the situation with Gilia.
I've paid off people to leave you alone about it, as well.
I'm not sure what else you expect me to do.
I haven't been running around talking behind your back about it except to tell people I was wrong and it was a misunderstanding on my part.

Your side does matter to me.
Your side also happens to be in the wrong sometimes.
Like the situation with Charlotte.
You've been trying to fix things with her, so I assumed you realized it was, as well.

[alwayskayaking]

Liar. Sasha told me you were talking to her about me and Charlotte.

[compellingstatement]

I told her what was going on between you two.
None of it was lies, as far as I've seen things.
I won't talk to her about you and Charlotte anymore, if you'd like.
But I'm not going to lie to her and tell her everything's sunshine and puppies between you two.

[alwayskayaking]

Doesn't matter anymore. You've already done your damage and Charlotte and I aren't going to contract again. Everyone is happy.

[Except him. And Jon. And Charlotte for the past six months. And a lot of other people.]

[compellingstatement]

For God's sake, Tim.
You've been off the rails.
I talked to Sasha because I thought she could help you.
Not because I was trying to turn her against you.

And honestly?
Good.
I'm not sure that contract was doing either of you any good.
Find someone human.
Someone you're not going to be constantly looking over your shoulder for.

[alwayskayaking]

If I've been off the rails then it's because of you and all the other monsters of this city who won't leave me be! [He doesn't really mean that. Doesn't really want Jon to be completely out of his life. He still remembers his often stuck up, but generally a nice guy boss. He's just feeling so attacked by every side lately and he's tired of it. In Tim's mind here they were again; Jon calling him the problem when Tim was feeling very much like an unheard victim no matter how loudly he shouts it.] I've tried to keep my distance but every time I seem to drop my guard then something else is coming along and derailing my life. [Did he need to slip in that small play on words? No. But he feels better for it.]

[compellingstatement]

[Reaching out had been a mistake. The words hit Jon like a physical blow, far too reminiscent of the clone's rage. Tim is left on read for quite a while as Jon takes a moment to calm down, tries to find more words, honest and vulnerable words, which are especially hard.]

I care about you.
It's difficult to leave you be when I can see you're hurting.
I know what happened last time with Prentiss.
I've seen this happen before, Tim.
I wasn't there for you.
No one was there for you.
And you just spiralled because none of us cared enough to pay attention when we should have.
It feels like that's what's happening now.

I know what happened with Wolf.
He came to me, told me he'd hurt you, maybe even kill you, if you hurt one of the people he loves.
I told him I'd rip his mind apart if he did anything more than just stopping you from causing the hurt.

[In so many words.]

But I know it still might happen.
I'm terrified it's going to happen and I won't be there to protect you.
From the monsters or yourself.

[alwayskayaking]

it doesnt feel that way

[He wants to say more. So much more, but nothing he writes comes out right. So at first he just sends the one message. After a minute or two he thinks of a little more to add.]

honestly feels a lot more like the opposite

[Then about another four, five minutes later.]

did you really say that to wolf [Did someone, anyone, actually stand on his side?]

[compellingstatement]

Not in those exact words, but I made myself clear on the matter of what would happen if I felt that he did anything to hurt you that wasn't just stopping you from shooting someone he cares about without violently hurting you.
You're important to me, Tim.

[alwayskayaking]

[Shooting is an interesting choice of words.] what did he say happened between us

[compellingstatement]

He told me he went to confront you about concerns he had about you and Charlotte.
He's her friend and was worried about her.
He said you threatened him with legal action for trying to interfere in your contract, then pulled a gun when he refused to back down.
He said the gun was cursed, though, and when you shot him...
Something unexpected happened.
The sort of unexpected that happens far too often here.

He didn't tell me what happened before you threatened him, but I assumed he did something to make you feel threatened.
What exactly happened?
From your point of view.

[alwayskayaking]

[From your point of view... He reads it again and then a third time. He's waited so long to hear those words he wants to make sure he wasn't just imagining them.]

I was walking home after spending the evening at a club. Like most of our best statements I was a little tipsy, but not enough that I didn't feel like I couldn't walk myself home. It was when I was walking through the park and he just materialised out of seemingly no where.

I'm not ashamed to admit I was scared. I've told him in the past when city forced us together that I wasn't interested in being friends and I'd rather we just go our separate ways. I've done my best to stay away from him. I've always picked to just walk away before, but he wasn't letting me just walk away this time.

So, yeah, I pulled my gun on him. Told him to go. Told him he made his point but I would use the city to protect myself if he forced me to. I didn't want him to think he could just bully me into whatever he wanted either for this or the future. I hadn't even done anything to Charlotte that she hadn't willingly agreed to.

I just wanted to get away. Wanted him to go away. I kept telling him that if he came closer I would shoot. Then, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure if he was moving closer or if it was so dark it only looked like he was. I tried to back up but I was just so scared that I accidentally pulled the trigger. The shot went wild. It shouldn't have hit him, but the bullet turned back to him as the city promised. They just didn't tell me what we'd both want after the bullet hit.

Once THAT wore off I ran back home. I didn't even stop to grab my clothes. All I ever wanted was just to get away. I didn't actually want to shoot him. I just... I didn't want to be a victim or bullied either.