alwayskayaking | Duplicity Inbox

Because I am not a good person. I have so many dark thoughts and desires. That is why I'm sure she would be better off without me.

[Continued from here.]

Your children? You really think that of the people you've changed?

Nor am I a "good" person by many definitions. You know what I'm capable of, you've seen evidence of my crimes on the network. What little I've shown here is a mere fraction of what I would do if unchained by the city's rules.

If she loves you, she loves you. Why does anything else matter?

Because when we were home, she was replaced and I didn't even notice. I went on to love the thing that killed her. If I really loved her, why didn't I noticed she had been replaced? That seems like it should matter.

I do. I care for them, I teach them, I keep them safe. They are as close to blood as I will ever have, and while it's not always neat or easy, they know they can rely on me for anything they need.

It's not true for every vampire that makes another, but it is for me.

I've died many times. Back home. I've just been lucky that those deaths are not the kind that stick with my kind.
Here I can be even more sure of the fact that it will not.
And I have no one here coming for my head.

Yes, precisely that. And it wasn't even my particular choice that turned the tide towards his turn of events. It was Sam Winchester deciding to say Yes to the devil.

Well, you're not wrong about that. I've done plenty of bad.

Maybe? I dunno. I'm so used to these now... have to think about it.

If you're use to them, does that mean you're less afraid of spiders now?

No, real ones are still worse.

I can't argue that. Some spiders really care the worst.

From what I understand of what happened, it did everything it could to be her. You remaining in love with your wife through that experience only tells me how much you truly love her.

Perhaps it does matter. Perhaps it means everything to you. But as an outside observer, I can tell you that all I see is a man who is scared of both loving the woman he has and of talking to her about that possibility.

That never seems like a sound idea to me. Did he not know it was the devil? And do you mean the devil-devil?

I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse to know that even angels aren't perfect. Makes me feel like maybe I still have a chance despite all the mistakes I've made.

Oh. [What is he talking to then? Tim's breath catches for a moment in his throat.]

Well, I'm human so I've only ever had one life. I can't imagine dying and coming back over and over.

I would hope if you're creating vampires that someone would take responsibility for that. Why even make another vampire if you're going to forget about them?

For some, I think it's a sort of power trip. Just to prove that they can. For others, it's a cruel whim. Older vampires are very prone to madness, they become bored and sadistic and it's a game to them. My maker was over eight hundred years old and quite insane. I was simply a convenient toy, a weapon to be turned loose only for mayhem.

[He wouldn't have admitted that under most circumstances...damn this truth compulsion.]

I'm not scared of loving the woman I have. I'm scared of loosing her again and not even knowing it. That's I'll be blind to it. It's just in a different way this time.

[She might have recoiled at her screen.]

Since when??

You love Jammie Dodgers, too, but you don't usually get that excited for those

I'm not surprised. That's what I expected from creatures that have to kill and can only consume blood to survive. But, you're more than that now, aren't you?

Vampires of my kind don't have to kill to survive. I've lived for periods of time on bagged blood or that of livestock. It's not ideal, but options are important.

It happens, unfortunately, but that's part of why mentoring your offspring is so important. To keep them from becoming reckless or cruel.

I admit I have my moments. But I do my best to remember the human I was, once upon a time.

You know what's happening this time, Tim. You're not blind. No one is trying to take her from you and she's not trying to leave you behind. Trust yourself. Trust your wife. Trust the relationship you've built and the love you share.

And trust me when I tell you that I will never try to take her away from you. The day I do is the day I'm no longer myself, and I'll give you the knife to end whatever threat I've become.

He knew. I think he thought it was his only option. Lucifer and Michael were pitted against one another, and they were to have their battle on Earth. Regardless of who won, billions would die. But to exist on the earthly plane, angels need a vessel, and they need permission. Dean said no in that timeline, but Sam said yes. They'd separated and gone their own way, so I'm not entirely sure of the circumstances of Sam's "yes". Lucifer is deception personified, so there's no telling what he told Sam in order to gain permission. Sam does say yes in my timeline as well, but there was a plan in place. It almost didn't work, but in the end, Lucifer was placed back in his cage. And yes, the devil-devil.

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