alwayskayaking | Duplicity Inbox

It's better than your fingers.

[He thinks to leave it there. Before he has the chance to upset Jon while he's trying to relax and play kitty. Even if Jon said he didn't hate him, it didn't mean he wasn't still mad.]

I'm glad you can still enjoy yourself and find a way to relax.

[Jon grumbles to himself around the mouthful of pillow after reading that.]

I'm hardly going public with any of it.
But it's fine when there's privacy.

Do you think I should take a photo and send it to Morrigan?
That's something people do in relationships, isn't it?
You do that?

I do on the rare occasion, but after how many times our messages have wound up going to the wrong person? I'm not sure you'll want to do that unless it's one you're alright with possibly getting out.

Edited 2021-08-20 02:16 (UTC)

[That's a disappointingly relevant assessment.]

Oh.
No, I wouldn't want other people seeing.
I suppose I'll just take a nap.
It feels right having the Eye back.
Pinning me with its awful gaze.
It was all just... emptiness, nothing at camp.
God, it was terrifying.

[Tim isn't the person he should chat idly about this with, but here they are.]

[He's really not. Tim shifts uncomfortably in his office chair. Really wishing Sally was still around to fill the emptiness of the office as he reads Jon's message.]

You like that- [What did Martin call it?] -'lo-fi charm' aesthetic. Get a polaroid camera and give him those pictures later.

[Don't talk about the Eye. Just leave it. Just leave it alone. Things always go bad when you try to talk about the eye with--]

It wasn't all emptiness. Sasha was there, so was Martin and Morrigan. Surely they could have helped distract you a bit more if you would let them.

[The camera actually sounds like it would be an excellent gift idea for Martin. He could... scrapbook, if that's something he wants to do with that sort of thing? The thought is filed away for later.]

When I fell asleep.
They're not exactly inside my head.

No, but then you're asleep and unconscious. [He has no idea what he's talking about and he just doesn't understand.]

And in a void of nothing.
That's what scared me.
Imagine being trapped inside a dark room.
No sounds.
Not even your own breathing.
You can't tell time.
It's just an endless void, and you have no idea if it's ever going to end.

Maybe you should get some dream therapy or something. Usually I just fall asleep and then wake up hours later without noticing.

[Jon's too fuzzy to really deal with this conversation.]

Never mind.
You wouldn't understand.
Elias would.
We're not talking now, though.
I don't think we are?

You're not? What did Elias do? [This seems strange to Tim. Even if Jon insists on Elias being evil the Archivist seem to always run to him.]

I think he was trying to make my paranoia worse at camp?
I'm not sure, though.
It's hard to tell with him.
Do you ever feel like you're getting yanked around, and you can't tell if someone's actually holding the end of your lead or you're just doing it to yourself?

Edited 2021-08-20 03:16 (UTC)

No. [Tim stops himself from hitting send. Deleting it and starting it again.]

Sometimes. I think everyone feels that way now and then. It can be incredibly frustrating. If Elias makes you feel that way? Probably best to just stay away.

I know.
But he's the only one who really understands me sometimes.

[Is he? It feels like that at times.]

When it comes to the Eye, I mean.
I just want
I don't know
I want him to
I want to be able to trust him again.
Like we did back before the Archives.
Back when we were in Research.
But I know I can't.
It's frustrating.

[Suddenly he wishes this conversation was in person.]

Don't take this the wrong way, but you told me there was a point where you thought I was trying to kill you. How sure are you that Elias is really that bad?

[Tim is left on read for more than a minute.]

He used me to start an apocalypse.
That's pretty bad, Tim.

Yeah? And he tricked you into doing that? Maybe learning from him isn't the best if that's the case? But I understand feeling alone.

[God, he hates this, but he said he'd try to be more open minded.] Is there anyone else here? In Duplicity? Have a similar problem? Gilia or someone? Might have some experience you could learn from?

I've already talked to Diva about it.
She commiserated.
Then said it sounded like Elias was my eldritch 'father.'
Like she's a 'mother' to those she turns.
So...

[~~Who's your daddy?~~]

Edited 2021-08-20 13:31 (UTC)

The people she turns? [Ugh. He hates the turn this conversation has taken.] What are they? A werewolf? Vampire? Either way, I guess they would know, but that's really weird to think of the big boss as your daddy. Just remember, I suppose, no one says you have to listen or like your family.

She's a vampire.
And I don't think of Elias as my father.

[He categorically refuses to associate the word 'daddy' with Elias in text, even divorcing himself from that sort of relationship.]

I've never had one, and I don't particularly want one.
I told her he's more like a mentor, anyway.

Mentor seems like a better term in all honesty. What about Agnes? I know her thing isn't spying on people, but she at least comes from our world?

She was also born into this.
She didn't have a choice like I did.

[Even if he's been told by others it wasn't really a choice... Gertrude had likely been faced with the same at the end and gone a different direction.]

It's nothing you need to solve, Tim.
Just something I think about now and again.
It would be nice to have someone I trust who gets me more than the rest of you do.

What about Wolf? Vampire. Has to eat people? Not the same as spying, but I don't think he picked that life either. [Nope. Still trying to help.]

Tim.
I'm going to go back to chewing on my fingers instead of the pillow if you don't drop it.

Fine, fine. Considered it dropped. Happy, boss?

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