alwayskayaking | Duplicity Inbox

To be fair, in my world incubi seem to be very, very close to human. We breathe, we sleep, we eat, medical scans come back mostly normal. For most of my life I thought I was legitimately half human. Actual vampires are a different thing, so you'd probably have to ask one if you wanted the real details. They're rare in my world, and mostly keep to themselves.

Half human. So, you always knew you were at least part incubi? Or did you think you were something else at the start? And, is it rude if I ask how? Were you born that way? Or was it something that happened later? [Part of trying to be less scared of something is to learn more about it. It's the main reason for his questions.]

I knew I was something, because I had abilities even from a very young age. I could see and sense things others couldn't, ghosts and spirits were attracted to me because I could see them...little things at first. I was in my twenties when someone who knew what an incubus was finally pointed it out to me, but I think I always knew i was something...other. No, it's not rude to ask. But I was born from an affair, Mom had a one night stand with a stranger and he was...well. She never talked about it, not really, but we knew that I never quite fit. I had the same strange eyes, weird shit happened around me, just...kind of obvious.

And you really don't need to kill or scar people for life to live and grow? That's just so different from the world I'm from.

It took practice and discipline to get it right and learn to control myself, but no, I don't have to kill or maim to survive. What I normally take from someone usually won't leave more than a bit of a hangover, kind of like donating blood. I've found a balance that I'm happy with and I have people who accept me as i am, that's helped. That's not to say that there aren't dangerous monsters, mind you...but some of us just want to get by.

I'm starting to learn that. That not all demons are like the ones I knew from my home. I'm glad you've found a balance. Although, would it be a stretch to say that being in a city full of sex might have made things a tad easier?

That's a balance, too. Being aware enough to keep yourself safe, while leaving room for those who really do just want to live their life without trouble. It's not easy, but I'm glad you're starting to get there. Its funny, I don't think the sex has quite as much to do with it, as having magic and the supernatural being open. There's still a lot of weird and scary shit, but it's also kind of normalized. I can meet others like me, and talk to them. It wasn't like that at home: I was a freak, an aberration and grew up feeling very much like an outsider because humans don't tend to understand this kinda thing. It's different and weird and threatening. But here, I'm valued, respected. That means a lot.

Does that mean, if given the chance to leave, would you stay? Or would you go home?

Honestly? I'm not sure. I wasn't in a good place, back home, I was trying to fix all the mistakes I made but I was struggling. Being here gave me direction, a chance to start over without the past weighing me down so much. There are things I'd like to fix, people I need to make amends with. But I don't know. They say when you go home you don't remember anything that happened here, I think that would make it hard. To lose all the lessons I've learned here, and have to try and start again. I don't know if I could do it. So i guess its just as well I'm here.

My advice? Flip a coin. See if you instantly regret the choice it lands on. The hard part is when you instantly regret both choices it lands on.

There is that, it's come in handy a few times. And sometimes it just comes down to picking the choice that's the least bad. Which really sucks, but...it's the best we can do.

It really is.

I'm glad we got to talk, for what it's worth. It really seems like you're trying, and that things have been good for you. I'm glad.

[Usually only Sasha is the only one who has ever thought he's actually trying. Everyone else tends to point out where he fails. So the message takes Tim a bit by surprise. In a good way.]

Thank you, that's nice to know that it shows. I swear I am trying. I admit that I'm not perfect, but I am trying.

Trying goes a long way, and you sound pretty sincere about it. You're trying to learn, to understand. But from what you've said about your world, I get the fear, too. It's a matter of finding a balance between caution and...mmm, wonder, maybe? There's some awful shit in my world. Scary, scary shit. But there's also some pretty amazing things. And in between, a lot of people like me just trying to live their lives without getting messed with. But it's a lot. And I'm glad you're doing your best to learn.

There is no amazing in mine. Just more despair and pain. It's part of the reason the learning curb has been so steep, but I have a good woman to keep encouraging me. [Because he just can't ever praise Sasha enough.] Can't let her down.

I get it. There's enough awful shit in my world that I can understand that. Duplicity might be difficult at best, but one thing I appreciate here is that range of experience...there's a lot of terrible shit here, but there's also at least some good. That helps. I mean, here I mostly don't have to worry about being locked in an asylum or murdered for my power? That's an improvement. She is a good one, from the bit that I know her. I'm glad you have that, too.

You have no idea how lucky I am to have her here. We lost her back home. I don't care how awful this place is, as long as she's here then I'm glad to stay for as long as we can.

Treasure that time. I know what it's like, believe me...every day matters and I'm glad you can have that with her. Even here.

Trust me. I do, I already know how she can be taken any minute, without any warning. [Or notice. At least here if she vanishes from the city he'll know she's gone. She won't be replaced by something else.]

Good. It's not easy, but some people are just once in a lifetime. And most of us never get that second chance.

I don't know what I did to deserve that second chance, but I'm glad for it.

And you sincerely appreciate it...that's good. That's important. I'm glad for you guys, I really am.

Thank you.

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